Louis R. Avallone

Category: Pop Culture

  • This Won’t Sound Good

    This Won’t Sound Good

    This won’t sound good. It will seem uncompassionate and unfeeling. Perhaps even mean. But here it goes:

    I really don’t care to hear about Lamar Odom anymore, or the headlines that seemingly wonder aloud how this could have happened. Yes, I know he has played on two (2) NBA championship teams. And that he apparently is quite soft-spoken, and very polite. And that he is beloved by all that knew him in the NBA.

    In case you haven’t heard, here’s what Lamar Odom did: He paid $75,000 to be with two (2) women for several days, at a brothel in Nevada, where he ingested a combination of herbal supplements and cocaine, eventually ending up unconscious, being transported to a hospital where he remained in a coma for three (3) days. His road to recovery will be painful and long, and we should all pray for his speedy recovery.

    But I also know there are many men and women in our armed forces who are seeking a speedy recovery too, like Lamar. Unlike Lamar, though, they have been wounded defending our country, and many have offered their very lives – and yet for many of them, there’s scarcely a story, or headline, or mention in the local newspaper of their contribution to something far, far greater than themselves.

    So no, I’m not interested in more Lamar Odom headlines and stories. Or how he and Khloe Kardashian have jointly gone to court to dismiss their divorce case, because they want to stay husband and wife. Or how Khloe is the only one allowed to be by his side in the hospital. Or of how she skipped her sister Kim’s birthday party, so she could stay by her husband’s side instead.

    And no, I’m not that interested in how he just wanted to be a basketball legend, and lost the ability to tell the difference between those who cared more about his fame and fortune, and the genuine people who cared more about him – and wanted him to succeed. I really am not interested either in how the brothel’s owner is threatening to sue Khloe for her husband’s bill for his “partying” with the women at the brothel.

    But you see, when I say I don’t care about any of those things, what I really mean is that I don’t care about those things as much as I wonder why there are not headlines and news stories on this subject that say, “Going to a Brothel and Snorting Cocaine Is A Really Dumb Idea.” Or “Follow Your Conscience, Make Better Choices, and Live With Fewer Regrets”. Or, “Faith and Family Can Help Us Choose What’s Good, and Not Just What Feels Good”.

    But that’s not what our culture is reporting. In addition, you have Lamar’s father blaming the Kardashians for ruining his son’s life. The media is blaming the harsh spotlights of Hollywood. And ESPN is blaming pop culture tabloids and reality television shows, to explain what drove Lamar to this point.

    It seems there’s always someone else to blame these days, and it’s become a generational sentiment today. Just going back to the 1992 presidential campaign, for example, if you questioned Bill Clinton’s marital infidelity, womanizing, draft dodging, drug use, or honesty, you were told, “What difference does it matter, it’s the economy, stupid!” Or if you supported impeaching Bill Clinton after the Monica Lewinsky matter, you were told this issue was due to a “massive, right-wing conspiracy,” and not anything that Bill Clinton did, of course.

    Sadly, from the sanctity of life, to the institution of marriage, to the freedom of religion, we are constantly reminded by too many in our culture that “character doesn’t matter” and that “right” and “wrong” is only a matter of convenience or perspective, instead of principle.

    But you know what? It does matter, because there are basic values about “right” and “wrong” that we must all share: Tell the truth, honor your commitments, remain faithful in God.

    After all, when things go wrong in life, it’s natural for us to blame, because then we don’t have to accept responsibility for what we did, or didn’t do. And we come by this quite naturally, in fact. Remember the Garden of Eden?

    God: “Adam, did you eat the fruit?”

    Adam: “Eve gave it to me.”

    But when we resort to blame, and refuse to take life on, or fail to accept responsibility for our circumstances, we hand over the power – the control of our very destiny – to others, as if other “people” or the government will fix everything for us, like a genie in a bottle.

    This is why I don’t care to hear any more about Lamar Odom. The sooner he – and our culture – can let go of our excuses, and we take responsibility for our own pursuit of happiness, the sooner we will have the power to change our lives, and our nation, for the better. And given Lamar’s “rags to riches” journey from Queens, New York, I suspect he would wholeheartedly agree – even if the headlines don’t say so.

  • Call Me Mannerly, First

    Call Me Mannerly, First

    Do you know that there are 50 hours of video uploaded to YouTube every minute? Or that there are 6,000 messages sent on Twitter every second? And that there are more than a billion people who are regularly sharing stories, links, photos and videos on Facebook? It reminds me of the Toby Keith song from 2001, “I Want To Talk About Me”:

    I want to talk about me
    Want to talk about I
    Want to talk about number one
    Oh my me my
    What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
    I want to talk about me

    Our nation, and indeed the world, has increasingly placed a greater emphasis on the fact that each of us should do what makes us feel good, or comfortable, regardless of how good, or comfortable, doing such makes others feel – and to make sure everyone knows we’re doing it. Some say that the self-esteem movement from the 1980s is to blame, as many parents and teachers emphasized the confidence of children as priority, rather than making the children face the consequences of their choices, or otherwise “feel” bad.

    At Jesuit High School in New Orleans, for example, there recently were ten valedictorians recognized at graduation. At some high schools there are more than 100 valedictorians. Now, many schools are abandoning the recognition of valedictorian altogether, because of how it makes the other students “feel”.

    Many schools also won’t even post the honor roll any longer because how it makes those students “feel” who do not qualify. In fact, schools now have created the “Effort Honor Roll.” This is for the kids who want to “feel” good about not qualifying to be on the honor roll, in the first place. And at Field Day, yes, everyone gets a ribbon, just for participating.

    To borrow a line from the movie, The Incredibles, “Everyone’s special,” says one character, only to have another reply, “Which is another way of saying no one is.”

    You see, we’ve watered-down our standards so much that it’s quite easy for no one to feel special, or to be recognized for any extraordinary achievement or applauded for their good choices, since we don’t want to make any one “feel” bad for making bad ones.

    Maybe this lack of feeling special is why narcissism is on the rise, where more and more people find the need to inflate their view of themselves, leading to relative indifference of the needs of others. In fact, compared to 30 years ago, 70 percent of students today score higher on narcissism, and lower on empathy. This means more people than ever are willing to share more and more lurid details of their lives with you and me.

    But is that a good thing, for any of us?

    Look at Bruce Jenner, for example. He says he has always been a woman, and that by making this transition, “We’re going to change the world.” Regardless of your opinion of his particular situation, do we need to know the most intimate details of complete strangers? What greater good does it serve, other than the way it makes the person sharing the details “feel”?

    Is it a good thing that my 8 year-old son knows that a father can become a woman, because of a new television series being advertised on the Disney Channel? No, it’s not.

    Forget about the subject matter, though. Today it’s gender selection. Next week it could be polygamy. Next year it will be who knows what. That’s not the point. Morality aside, at the end of the day, we should only share intimate details about ourselves to complete strangers if it would be mannerly to do so.

    “Manners,” says Emily Post, “are sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners.” Without that awareness, you don’t.

    Manners are more than choosing the right fork at dinner, or placing your napkin in your lap. It’s more than if you notice someone has a zipper down or an earring that is missing, and you take them aside in private and tell them. Or if someone tells a story wrong, you just let it go without correcting them. Or if you want to tell a child about how a man can become a woman, and decide that’s really a discussion for the child’s parents to have.

    Being mannerly means being aware that what you do, or share with others, affects the greater good for us all. It means recognizing that no one should “feel” good at the expense of everyone else’s liberty, whether it’s removing references to God in our schools or to raising expectations from one another – even at the risk of hurt feelings.

    There are parents, for example, who insist their children be respected by the teacher, and yet they are disrespectful to the teachers themselves. Or those who demand respect from law enforcement officers, but are often anything but respectful, in return.

    Will the number of people who believe the world revolves them continue to grow? It may. But in the meantime, folks can call you Caitlyn or Bruce, or whatever you like. As for me, I’d like to call you mannerly first.